I love watching old movies. I should clarify, not just any old movies. I prefer the black and white chick flicks of the day. I'm not a John Wayne fan and can do without cowboys, gunfights, and soldiers trudging through mud.
I spent part of the day today watching a classic from the 1930's. I'm sure it didn't win any Academy awards, but it is a classic in my book nonetheless. Why? The reason is simple. Oh, if life were only like an old black and white.
This particular movie centered around four sisters. I can relate, as I am one of four sisters. I will refer to them as Sister A, Sister B, Sister C and Sister D.
Exhibit 1: Sister C, who is rocking a flat-as-Texas stomach, goes into labor. Seriously, there was absolutely no bulge, bump or bloating whatsoever! Really?!? I was sporting the beached whale look months before I gave birth.
Exhibit 2: After giving birth to a "preemie" (not sure how preemie, given the figure of the expectant mother!), Sister C is presented with her newborn. Enter hospital nurse carrying a 4-month old. I could have done without the first few months of no sleep and round-the-clock feedings!
Exhibit 3: Nowhere in Sister C's hospital room is there a plastic water pitcher with matching plastic cup, bed pan, beeping machines with wires going everywhere, etc. Instead, set out neatly on the bedside table are the patient's silver hairbrushes (I am only guessing that they were silver since the movie was in black & white). Okay, the next time I am in the hospital, please dispense of all equipment, plastic ware, dry erase boards and latex glove containers mounted to the wall. Instead, carefully place my hairbrushes on my bedside table (an equal distance apart from each other). I mean, that is really all that anyone needs anyway, right?
Exhibit 4: When bringing hospital food to Sister C, it is not brought in on a plastic school lunchroom tray with plastic lids hiding the unpalatable morsels beneath. Nope. Her food was brought in on a silver tray complete with china tea set. Ok, so maybe she had a better HMO plan that I did!
Exhibit 5: When learning that her husband would be returning from his tour "by winter", she responds with "She (the baby) will be 4 or 5 months old by then and talking really well." Hmm, talking at 4 or 5 months and then maybe walking by 6 months, reading at 7 months and completely potty trained by 8 months. Yeah, I could deal with that. Just think, I could have a college graduate by the time my baby turns 3!
Enough of Sister C, let's move on to Sister A.
Exhibit 6: Deciding that she wants to have a child, but not actually give birth, Sister A decides to adopt. She fills out the form, tells her husband afterwards and then all she has to do is wait...for about two weeks. And here we had multiple forms & evaluations, home studies, interviews, parenting classes, etc, etc, etc, and a 3 1/2 year wait, during which my husband had to be completely involved.
Exhibit 7: Soon after adopting, Sister A gives birth to twins. Aww. Now enter Sister B and her husband who politely ask Sister A and her husband "Since you now have twins, could we have little _____ (insert adopted baby's name)." Yes, they are playing a round of hand-me-down children. Oh, you have two boys and I have two girls, so let's trade one!
I will note here that Sister D spent the entire movie chasing down a prospective husband. No baby drama for her.
Oh yes, if life were like an old movie I'd still fit into a Size 0, wouldn't know what a 2am feeding was, my hair would always be perfect, I would eat off of china & silver everyday (rather than plastic and styrofoam), I would have given birth to an infant prodigy, would have avoided endless adoption forms and parenting classes, and could have traded kids with my sisters!
