The Conformist

I have always been sucked into ideas put out there in society. A conformist if you will. I have believed that if I used a ThighMaster, my legs would look like they did when I was 16. There is a part of me that hopes that I can take a special pill, sit on my couch with a box of Little Debbies and a can of Diet Dr. Pepper, watch my favorite shows and still not only lose weight in six weeks, but also get buff and tan, too. I have drawers and cabinets full of potions, concoctions and appliances that society wants me to believe in, like Mighty Putty, Magic Bullet, Dent King, Ab Roller and Oxyclean (ok, that one really does work).

I believe all the things that my mother used to tell me. I don't sit too close to the TV for fear of going cross-eyed. I eat my carrots to make my eyes stronger (just in case I find myself sitting too close to the TV). I always hang the toilet paper so that it rolls over (not sure why this is important, but I do it anyway). I don't squeeze the toothpaste from the middle. And, I keep my elbows off the table.

I find myself watching reality tv and getting so emotional over people who are just wanting their five minutes of fame. I root for the underdog and boo (among other things) those that cause the trouble. Then I discuss them with my friends as if they are my next door neighbors.

I am constantly wondering why I nor anyone else I see in Wal-Mart look like the models on the boxes of hair dye, or in the make-up commercials or on the cover of the magazines at the checkout. (Okay, I realize that they probably don't shop at Wal-Mart, so maybe that is why I haven't seen anyone with their looks there.) But, I still keep buying the products and hoping that one day I will wake up to discover that I've lost 50lbs, grown 8 inches taller, and other parts of my body have miraculously corrected themselves, some have grown smaller while others have grown much bigger.

Yes, there are times when I can't take anymore and will watch the Classic Movie Channel with REAL movies starring people with names like Bogart, Bergman, Stewart, Poitier, and Hepburn.

I stopped watching soaps long ago. There was just too much drama and I couldn't keep up with who was with who or who had killed who or who was blackmailing who. But the breaking point came when one of my favorite characters, a little girl about six years old, left to go on vacation and came back the following week at the age of 19 and ready to take over the family business. I remember looking at my sons who were both still very little and thinking, "Maybe if I send you to Grandma's for the night, you'll come back fully potty trained and ready to start school." I tried it. It didn't work.

Yes, I have conformed to many of the things that society puts out there for us or that have been taught to us from an early age. However, yesterday I was a nonconformist. I broke a rule that had been instilled in me since childhood. A rule that passes from generation to generation in Americana.

I wore white AFTER Labor Day!